after a while...

a long hiatus from blogging, a 10 week long india trip and after a long job hunt...

i feel the creative spark in me has as though died. there have been a zillion to blog about. the fabulous time in india, the questions this trip raised within me, the bollywood mania i am currently struck with, starting an NGO with friends and so on. but it is probably a writer's cramp (if i can call myself that!) or just lack of inspiration...i havent felt like blogging all this while.

to talk a bit about the india trip...i was home after 2 years. the euphoria sort of just died as i stepped into namma benagalooru's airport. after boarding at kingsfordsmith airport in sydney and transit at changi airport in singapore, the sight of bangalore airport thoroughly depressed me. the bubble burst. the airport seemed lifeless with paint peeling off the high ceiling, plain grim walls, no sign of sign boards and a true bureaucratic styled immigration area. i felt sad for bangalore. it had always been a delight to come back to bangalore say from calcutta or chennai or even mumbai. it was a matter of pride that i hailed from bangalore. but this time i wished things were better.

the baggage claim area was way too small to fit the passengers, the trolleys and of course the overloaded suitcases. after an eternal wait, my suitcase was in sight. it had a big chalk marked cross on it. this meant that it had to be scanned by customs. but there wasnt any queue. people were all over the place...some trying to forge their way out, some standing in the way with their trolleys in your face unmindful that they might be blocking the way. and there was a guard in uniform telling us who can go out and who should stay looking at the cross marks on the suitcases. a bit schoolish! i was herded towards the scanner. just when i was wondering how to lift up the heavy piece to place it on the machine, two kind guards offered help. thankfully i was cleared without much ado. YES! i could now head out.

after the hugs and tears it was the incessant, loud honking at the parking lot that welcomed me. i sat in the front seat of the car and as my brother drove home i felt as thought i would never reach home that night. it was a big mistake to take the seat next to the driver's. it was one of the scariest rides of my life. getting out of the airport was an adventure. he squished against parked cars. it was fierce competition as every other car from every possible angle tried overtaking us...everyone wanted to be the first to get out of the parking lot. and then we were out...magically. he then zoomed past vehicles changing lanes every minute. the horn wasnt spared. to my horror a red light went unnoticed as at that hour in the night it didnt matter. phew! we did reach home.

i dont know how the next 10 weeks flew. i shopped with mum for my brother's wedding. the sarees, the jewellery...oh so colourful, so exciting. i exhibited my honed culinary skills. visited all my friends in bangalore. and of course had lunches and dinners with all the relatives. i even took afternoon naps...some luxury eh? and guess what? i drove all around the town just like i used to as though i had never been away from bangalore and almost just like my brother drove from the airport.

while shopping on avenue road i saw children with a load on their backs, i saw children standing all day to sell their wares, i saw children begging. at my brother's wedding i saw this little girl probably aged 10 or 12. she was cleaning the tables after we had eaten. we were the last batch at dinner. it was way past 11. i asked her if she had eaten. she said no. i just couldnt fight back my tears. i wished i had known before i ate, so i could've arranged her food first. i told the caterer to serve her immediately. i passed on some money to her hoping her tomorrow would be different. but will it ever be different? what goes on in her mind as she looks at the grandeur of the wedding? there i stood in a fine silk saree decked with jewellery worth thousands and there she was struggling to even get a square meal. why on earth? why oh why? it was heartwrenching. my father told me not to worry so much. he blamed it on fate. but what is fate? and why is it so CRUEL? what have i done to deserve what i have and what could the poor little girl have done to deserve such a life? i've always felt for such kids and thought it is time i did my mite. a project is underway and will blog on it shortly.

this trip raised a lot of questions in me. will i go back to live in india? am i happy here or am i losing something? i dont have the answers. all i know is life in india seemed harder, somewhat complicated. i noticed people seemed to lack basic courtesy. 'sorry' and 'thank you' have no meaning. every step is a contest between you, the environment and scores of others. every activity involves competition...say going to work, finding an auto, battling the traffic, getting back home or even buying food in the food court of a mall - you've got to be very nervy. a simple bus ride from mysore to bangalore seemed to be a himalayan task. the mysore - bangalore road is now just amazing. the volvo buses are the best you could ask for. but where was the queue for the tickets? i found it and stood there forever. the volvo roared its engine and got ready to move and lo...heaps of people from all over heaped over each other, they ran, scrambled, were on top of each other and the fittest of them got in and claimed seats. and hey, some of us are still standing in the queue. arguing with the conductor got me nowhere. apparently for some buses you needn't stand in the queue! though many seemed irked, i seemed to be the only one complaining.

getting back to sydney didnt depress me. it was rather surprising. i was happy to be back to my home, my kitchen, where things were under my control. i probably had my fill of home. have i changed all that much that now i am comparing and contrasting? is this a paradigm shift?

while i mull over all that, got to start work from tomorrow :( just when i had begun to love this extended holiday. got to also start working on an audio blog. been singing a lot lately...here and there at parties, poojas and also karoeke shows...both kannada and hindi. want my friends and family to be able to listen to me online...however crappy i may sound :)


ये जो देस हैं तेरा, स्वदेस हैं तेरा,
तुझे हैं पुकारा
ये वो बंधन हैं, जो कभी टूट नही सकता

मिट्टी की हैं जो खुशबू, तू कैसे भूलाएगा
तू चाहे कही जाए, तू लौट के आएगा
नई नई राहोंमें, दबी दबी आहोंमें
खोए खोए दिल से तेरे, कोई ये कहेगा
ये जो देस हैं तेरा, स्वदेस हैं तेरा,
तुझे हैं पुकारा

तुझ से जिंदगी हैं ये कह रही
सब तो पा लिया, अब हैं क्या कमीं
यूँ तो सारे सुख हैं बरसे,
पर दूर तू हैं अपने घर से
आ लौट चल तू अब दीवाने
जहा कोई तो तुझे अपना माने
आवाज दे तुझे बुलाने वो ही देस

ये पल हैं वो ही जिस में हैं छूपी,
पूरी एक सदी, सारी जिंदगी
तू ना पूछ रास्तें में, काहे
आए हैं इस तरह दोराहे
तू ही तो हैं राह जो सुझाए
तू ही तो हैं अब जो ये बताए
जाए तो किस दिशा में जाए वो ही देस